I thought it would happen by now.
Stewarding dreams that haven't come true. | May Recap
I turned 34 a few weeks ago. (A number I’m still getting used to saying out loud.)
When I was a kid—birthdays were pure joy. I’d pick out the dessert. I’d get to eat my birthday meal on a special plate that read, “You are special today.”
Birthday parties would be planned by someone else while I could focus on the “fun” details like the theme or party favors (leaving all the logistics and arrangements to the “adults.” AKA, my mom.)
But now . . . let’s just say birthdays are more complicated.
Still joyful, and still worth celebrating. But intermingled with grief.
Because each birthday year is another marker of time passing—and the dreams that haven’t come true.
It highlights all the things I thought would happen by now, but haven’t. I’m confronted by my own expectations (some conscious and some subconscious) that have been thwarted—at least when it comes to my timeline.
I thought I’d be married by now.
I thought I’d have a family.
I thought I’d be a published author.
I thought I’d have a renovated home.
Which begs the question . . . what do you do with a delayed dream?
I’ve wrestled with questions like:
What does it look like to honor a delayed dream?
How do you continue to hold out hope for your dream?
How do I make the most of what I have now while I’m still waiting?
I know you have dreams you’re still waiting on too, sweet friend. And while I don’t have all the answers, I hope sharing my journey in some small way helps you on yours.
I made a commitment back in May that I would find one way to honor each of these delayed dreams. And so I’ve spent a lot of time brainstorming what that could look like. Here’s what I came up with:
I’ve had this prayer journal since 2019. It’s beautiful and has dozens of prompts for you to pray over your future spouse and marriage. But I only had a grand total of two entries in there—until recently. I decided that in this season, honoring that dream of marriage looked like committing to 100 days of prayer for my future husband.
For several years now, I’ve been curious about the idea of taking a fertility test. Most of us only test fertility metrics when there’s an issue. But I’ve heard more and more doctors, health advocates, and individuals talking about the importance of being proactive instead of retroactive when it comes to this aspect of health.
So on the morning of my birthday—I ordered two tests. The Women’s Health Test from Everlywell which measures 11 biometrics and a test from Modern Fertility.
And for those truly curious: Each test kit (after coupons) was less than $200 and I was able to use HSA funds to pay for it. (You should get a discount if you use the link in this newsletter to order—$20 off the Modern Fertility test and 15% off the Everlywell test. Every little bit of savings helps!)
Both test kits arrived and are patiently waiting for when I can take them. I am both intrigued (and slightly nervous) to find out the results. But mostly—I’m glad to be learning more about where my body is at and how I can best support it.
For my writing, I’d love to get some updated author headshots. It would be something fun and help “mark” this season with my book.
To honor my house, I started thinking how nice it would feel to have one whole room of my house DONE. And then I started thinking about which room would have the most positive impact on my life if it was complete.
The front room is where I landed. It’s one of the first rooms you see when you walk through my home and is drastically underutilized at the moment. It’s the perfect contender to turn into a cozy writing retreat and be a reminder every time I walk into my home that I am making progress.
So that’s where I’m at—navigating life and to do’s while holding hope for all the things that have yet to happen. Some of my delayed dreams will take more time than others to honor (yup, I’m looking at you library room).
And that’s okay. Because as cliche as it sounds—it’s not about the destination, but the journey that gets us there.
So wherever you’re at with your delayed dreams today, I hope you remember that it’s never too late to acknowledge and honor them. In whatever way that looks like for you.
Because holding onto hope is always a worthwhile endeavor. And you’re never alone in the waiting.
Waiting with you,
Rachel
Book Progress: Chapter 17/60
We’re slowly moving and gaining speed! Getting back to my novel in May was both hard (thanks to some expedited freelance projects) and so joyful.
I finished a chapter I’d felt stuck in. I got an idea for my story that should dramatically help the pacing (and it’s something I totally should have thought of earlier but I’m glad the inspiration struck!).
Pro Tip: Sometimes we really are too close to our stories. A little distance really can help bring things into perspective and give fresh insights. So if you’ve had a break from your story (by choice or circumstances) give yourself grace and remember that the break is still moving your story forward—even if subconsciously.
I’m also excited to announce that I was accepted into the 2025 GoodLit Writers Retreat! I had applied last year and was an alternate. At the time, I was so disappointed when I didn’t make the cut. But getting the acceptance this year—it was a full circle moment. The timing is better this year and I can see God’s hand in it.
So for whoever needs to hear it—sometimes God isn’t saying no. Sometimes He’s just saying, “Not yet.”
For June Book Club, we’re reading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. I just picked up a copy from my local library today and am hesitantly optimistic to read this classic. (For better or worse, classics tend to be hit or miss for me. 😂 So we’ll see which side of the list this one ends up on!)
I’m also listening to Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross. I’m just over halfway through and love the story so far—the writing is intentional and interesting and I’m glad there’s already a sequel out so I can spend more time with these characters and in this world.
I also started reading Fearless (the final book in Lauren Roberts Powerless trilogy). I loved the second book even more than the first book—a trend I’m hoping continues into Book #3.
It’s been a slower month on the housing front. Although I did score some amazing brass sconces at one of my favorite antique stores while I was visiting Chattanooga over Memorial weekend.
I also (with the help of a friend) installed some woven shades in our dining room. And I have a motorized woven shade that will be installed in our breakfast nook in just a couple of weeks.
Even more than writing—nothing has taught me patience like owning a home. I can easily get discouraged by the lack of progress. I have to remind myself that these small changes—a new piece of decor or a new window treatment—is progress.
Making a house a home is a lifelong endeavor I’m realizing. But there’s blessings in slow progress—in the gentle discovery of your home.
So I’ll keep going, one small steady step at a time.
Absolutely beautiful, Rach! Saying a prayer now that these dreams will come true—and that you'll continue to grow in wisdom in the meantime. We had that red plate growing up, too! Seeing it brought back fun memories :)