Saying goodbye.
Losing my grandmother + leaving my job in the same 24 hours.
I know plenty of folks who don’t like saying goodbye. They don’t like the potential for tears or the reminder that the hangout time has come to an end. They don’t want to linger in the doorway or see someone waiting as they pass through airport security.
These people mystify me.
Maybe to those people, goodbyes seem like endings—and sometimes they are. But I’ve always wanted to see how the story ends, even if it’s a sad one.
I want to end every phone call to my family saying, “I love you.”
I want to hug people before they walk out the door of my home.
I want to wish my teammates a happy weekend before we clock out.
And before you think, “Aww, that’s so sweet.” You should also know I have an ulterior motive: I really, really, really like closure.
I don’t like unfinished business. I don’t like not knowing why. I don’t like loose story threads that never get wrapped up (yeah, we know who the killer is but what happened to the neighbor’s cat from Chapter 7?).
In summary: I don’t like the lack of resolution.
And yet life is a constant rotating door of hellos and goodbyes, changes and readjustments. Sometimes we get answers. But a lot of the times we don’t. Maybe more common is a mixture.
That’s how this past month felt for me. New beginnings mixed with sad endings. Hope for the future mixed with grief over what was lost.
I loved my grandmother. She was a caring nurse, voracious reader, and God-fearing woman. She adored animals (especially her cats) and had a massive sweet tooth. But she also didn’t have an easy road.
Her parents divorced when she was young. She outlived my grandfather by more than 20 years and buried her eldest son. Chronic illness was her constant companion and I never knew a version of her well.
There’s grief in that.
I left the best job I ever had. I loved the people and believed in the mission. But there’s also no such thing as a perfect job. And the longer I was there—the more obvious and unrelenting the imperfections became. It was time to leave.
There’s grief in that.
But there’s also joy to be found too. Fresh beginnings. New life. I see it in the budding trees and flowers. I see it in the sweet faces of my friends’ newborns. I see it as I help load up a U-haul for a friend’s next chapter.
I’m starting anew too.
And there’s grief in that.
But there’s also so much hope.
Praying that regardless of whether this is a season of hellos, goodbyes, or something in-between that you find hope in it, my friend.
Hoping with you,
Rachel
Book Progress: 25%
Well folks—there’s good news and bad news. Bad news is, this month was a bust for my novel writing. I’m not sure I even got to open my Word doc. 🫣
Good news is that by pursuing freelancing (for right now at least), my schedule will be much more flexible and I’m excited to see how that will help my writing goals.
I also applied to a merit-based writing retreat, specifically designed for authors who identify as Christian but are writing for the secular market (hey, that’s me!).
It’s a really neat opportunity but spots are limited (only 15!). The retreat is this fall but I should find out this summer if I get accepted. Fingers-crossed that I’ll get in. 🤞
I am part-way through a bunch of books right now. (Not my preferred method of reading but it is what it is!)
I’m listening to two audiobooks and physically reading two hardbacks (one fiction and one non-fiction of each medium). My Book Club ended up not meeting in March (which was great because I still need to finish our historical pick, All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr).
Do you have a favorite way to read (audiobook, physical copy, kindle, or something else?). For the last couple years, I’ve been split almost right down the middle between physically copies of books and audiobooks.
I feel like my bathroom floor has been its own saga. 😂 I started the project in December and then realized I was going to be a tad short on the amount of peel-and-stick tile I had ordered.
“No problem,” I thought. “I know how to order more.”
Wrong. I was so wrong. There was a three week delay because of a shortage (even though I only needed one box of tile).
Then the first box arrived and half of the pieces were cracked or broken. A replacement box showed up with even more tiles broken or unusable.
By the time the third box finally made it to me (blessedly fully intact) it was now March. 😭
Which means I’ve been living with a partially finished floor for nearly four months. But the good news is . . . the results are totally worth it!
I love how the checkered floor turned out and it really helps freshen up the whole space! Next up: new faucets and a new light over the vanity to complete this bathroom mini renovation.
Pro Tip: This was my first time working with peel-and-stick tile and while it was easy skill-level wise it was also very meticulous and time-consuming. I thought this project would take 6 – 8 hours and the reality was more like 30 – 35 hours. So if you do attempt this, know going into it that it will require time and patience.
Until next month,
Rachel