What the silence taught me . . .
An invitation to be still. | January 2025
It’s the first day of 2025 and yet I find myself reflecting a lot on 2024.
To those who reached out and sent well wishes for my health journey—thank you. Truly. (Not sure what I’m talking about? Read last month’s newsletter here.)
When I first set out on this journey there was ONE thing I was most nervous for . . . the silence.
Because I knew I’d be spending a lot of time by myself. I knew that I wouldn’t have my regular access to devices and ways to stay in touch with others. And I knew that silence can either feel like solitude or loneliness.
I just had no idea which one it was going to feel like for me.
Actually, that’s not true. I was 100% preparing myself to feel lonely. But (plot twist!) it turns out, I’m great company. 😉
I traveled.
I journaled.
I went for hikes. (A lot!)
I read by candlelight.
I went . . . searching.
For God, for answers, for undiscovered places of myself.
Not all of it was pretty.
But it was all needed.
One of the hardest things I am wrestling through is summed up by this quote from Dr. Juli Slattery:
“We are living in the tension of knowing God loves us, but wondering why He didn’t act as we think love would dictate.”
It didn’t feel loving to Martha or Mary to watch their brother Lazarus die.
It didn’t feel loving for Joseph to be sold into slavery and then wrongfully spend years in prison.
It didn’t feel loving for God to order Hosea to marry a woman he knew would willfully and repeated be unfaithful.
Death. Imprisonment. Rejection.
It sounds like a recipe for heartbreak—for disappointment—not love.
And I have a long list of disappointments now. Things I trusted to God to heal, restore, bring to fruition.
And He didn’t.
I can’t tell you exactly when I stopped believing that God loved me . . . but somewhere along the way—in between all those disappointments—I did. And it hurt.
I also happened to be on a retreat at a monastery when I had this revelation. (Coincidence? Probably not.)
I don’t have any answers for you. I am still wrestling through my own hurt, my own grief, my own pain. But in the midst of all that—I have been asking God to show me His love anew.
I have also been trying to remind myself who God is.
That God is love. (1 John 4:8)
That His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:17-18)
That God is my provider and values me (Matthew 6:25-34)
I’m not sure how you need God to show up in your life today. But I hope in some small way this is a reminder that you are seen. You are not forgotten. And your story isn’t finished.
I’m juggling five different books right now—a blend of non-fiction, fiction, and devotional. (Which honestly, is probably at least two books too many. But so far I’m at least keeping all the plots straight. 😅)
But in honor of the new year—I thought I’d share a recap of my favorite reads of 2024 across various genres.
Overall Favorite Read
The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab
Favorite Classic
The Princess Bride by William Goldman
Favorite Fantasy
Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros
Favorite Fiction
Beartown by Fredrik Backman
Favorite Historical
The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon
Favorite Legend/Mythology
Circe by Madeline Miller
Favorite Mystery
First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston
Favorite Non-Fiction
The New Design Rules by Emily Henderson
Favorite Romance
The Paradise Problem by Christina Lauren
Favorite Series
The Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn
(Yes, I did devour all eight books this past year!)
Are you setting a reading goal for 2025? Want to read more classics? Branch out of your usual genre? Give audiobooks a try? Whatever your goal is—I’d love to hear it!
Progress is being made! Not too much I can show you yet but I have been slowly chipping away at some house projects this month:
Scored some awesome second-hand furniture (nightstands, bed, circular mirror, and antique buffet that I’m going to use as a media console).
Finally painted my bedroom. (It was long overdue.)
Primed and painted the old wood vanity in my bathroom.
Started applying peel-and-stick tile in my bathroom.
Converted the sliding closet doors in a guest bedroom to hinged, pull-out doors.
Fixed some shutters that were barely hanging on after a bad windstorm.
Full transparency, those last two items were done by a reliable handyman. I have great vision but little in the way of hard skills. 😂
I don’t know what you’re hoping for in 2025, friend. But I do hope that good things come your way. That you laugh more than you cry. That you will take the high road, even when you don’t feel like it. That you will approach each day with hope. That you will believe there is still plenty of good in the world—and then go be the good for someone else.
Cheering you on, always.
—Rachel